More Than Me?
by RogueRed
Summary: Ending of A Bug's Life when Aeryn and John have a little chat. Chapter 1-John POV. R/R


Disclaimers: I don't own Farscape in any shape or form, unless you count those action figures, cards, posters, magazines…well, you get the idea :o) I also don't own Romeo and Juliet obviously, and Shakespeare was a wonderful writer. If he were alive, I don't think he would mind if I used some quotes from his play…  
  
Summary: At the end of A Bug's Life, Aeryn is on the table and chats with John. (Note: This is around maybe season 3 where they reminice about their times together, not actually WHEN it happened…it confused a lot of people in the beginning). What went through their heads? PG-13. Spoilers? Basically everything since they reminisce about their relationship together. This is the first part, John's POV. The next and last chapter will be Aeryn's POV.  
  
~*~More Then Me?~*~  
  
  
  
There she was, the radiant Aeryn Sun, lying on a medical table, completely defenseless. God, I didn't think I'd ever live to see the day. She had this vibe she carried that made you think she was invincible, or at least I thought that for a long time until I realized how afraid and vulnerable she really was on the inside. Oh, sure, Aeryn was probably the bravest person I'd ever met, but when I looked at her, I now saw a different image of myself when I first entered the Uncharted Territories.  
  
Okay, so you probably think that was a really stupid statement. Well, it really isn't. I might get knocked down fifty times, and Aeryn will be standing there with her chin held high, but who figures out the answer in the end? Me. But we're both naïve and afraid of the universe. How Dargo goes around with no worries is beyond me, but then again, that'' Dargo for ya.  
  
But I'm getting off-topic here. Aeryn had just been skewered with a peacekeeper army knife. Not a pretty site. In fact, of all the things I had seen so far in my life, that scared me the most: the prospect of losing Aeryn. If she died, I'd want to die. I may have known her only for about a year-cycle-but I think I love her. Actually, I'm sure I love her. But how could she love someone like me? I'm just a deficient, stupid human who can never do anything right. Well, maybe that's just teasing. Or does she even know what teasing is? I wonder if she's even ever been in love or had a real relationship…by the way she goes about things, I don't think she has. God, she's so beautiful. And I just love her personality…  
  
Her eyes. I have always loved those eyes. They are like sapphires that glitter in the sun. Her hair is that the color of a raven, flowing back from behind elegantly, which goes beautifully with that leather she wears…and her scent. It's so distinct. I might not be like Rygel who can smell a female Hynerian from miles away, but I could tell if Aeryn was a mile away. Or maybe it's a sense. And when she was teaching me maneuvers in my module…her hair smelt so lovely. It reminded me of a huge bouquet of fragrant roses back on Earth, with a hint of pear to it. It might sound strange, but it smelt really good…that kiss was out of this world. Of course, then she pushed me away and said I was acting on my hormones. And that's how it always ends up. We take one step forward, two steps back. I wonder if that will ever change.  
  
Then she stirred.  
  
But soft! What light through yonder win-no, that won't work…uh-medical bay breaks! It is the east, and Aeryn is the sun! (How ironic…) Arise fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief. Heh, and to think I hated Shakespeare…  
  
She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, lost in thought.  
  
"Welcome back."  
  
She turned to look at me after she realized where she was. She looked a little confused. My heart beat faster. God, she's beautiful.  
  
"For a while there Zhann wasn't too sure you were going to make it."  
  
Her eyes turned a little softer. My heart beat faster.  
  
"What's happened to the virus?"  
  
Oh, here we go. Let's just see how she reacts to this…  
  
"It's dead," I said softly.  
  
Aeryn shut her eyes in pain, gasped, and turned her head away. I looked up, and I felt awful.  
  
So she really did like him. Well, why would miss beautiful ex-peacekeeper want anything to do with me? How could I be so stupid to think that she actually liked me that way…love me. I love her. This just isn't fair. And now she'll hate me even more because I killed him. Way to go, Johnny boy. Time to go shoot yourself.  
  
"So is Laraqq."  
  
She turned back to look at me. She seemed to be thinking hard about something, trying to remember. "He stabbed me, didn't he?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She frowned to herself again.  
  
"You got lucky-he didn't stab your heart."  
  
The memory of him stabbing her flashed back, and my heart ached with pain. That had been so terrible to see.  
  
"Closer then you think," she said painfully.  
  
Yeah, she did like him…a lot. But did she like him more then me? I'd never ask her that…something tells me she'd wipe my ass on the floor again…but, God, this really hurts. I've hurt her, as I've hurt myself. But if I didn't kill him, people all over would be in grave danger. And it's not like I couldn't avenge Aeryn's injury…  
  
"So, umm…the peacekeeper base-"  
  
"We're getting as far away from it as we can" I answered for her, looking at my feet so I could avoid her gaze. "It's still out there, we don't know why."  
  
I looked up again at her. I felt so awful. So terribly awful. She must hate me now…  
  
"What are you doing in here, anyway?" she said, sounding a little amused.  
  
I looked up, a bit surprised that she'd ask me that. Wasn't it obvious? Well, then again…  
  
"Oh, I just wanted to umm…umm…be there-"  
  
"Thank you" she whispered softly.  
  
Maybe she loves me back, but she just can't say it. Or maybe she's just saying this out of courtesy.  
  
"Don't mention it," I said, avoiding her gaze again.  
  
"Why would I ever mention it?"  
  
My heart leapt. She wasn't angry with me at all! She was even happy that I was here. God, I love you, Aeryn Sun.  
  
She repositioned herself and looked up at the ceiling again, but with a calm, satisfied sigh. I smiled to myself. Everything was gonna be okay.  
  
  
  
End of part one.  
  
So, did I do a good job? Any constructive criticism? Let me know in feedback…  
  
The Radiant Aeryn Sun/ Fire Star 


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